One of the most difficult times of my life occurred to me fairly recently, and made me take a long look at who Wesley Otto Jensen really is. Most people heard I was out of the gym for the beginning of this year from a shoulder injury. Well, I soon figured out that I was really out with a mental injury. I had separated the AC joint in my right shoulder and still didn't want to stop training. I quickly realized that wouldn't be possible. However, the mental toll it took on me was far worse then the physical.
I first felt fine and kept watching videos about wrestling and jits figuring I would get better through watching. Then, it hit me that I wouldn't be in the gym for over a month, and that nearly all I did was go to the gym, and all my friends were at the gym. Suddenly, I realized I was no longer myself, and perhaps without jiu-jitsu or wrestling I really didn't know how to live. I tried to just play video games, but it didn't take a whole day to realize I still was home, and still not myself. I started spending time thinking even more then I usually did, which is already too much, and would find myself sitting on the couch staring into nothing for up to 2 hours at a time.
It felt shitty, even my sister-in-law felt a little worried about me. She took me to the library just to get me out of the dam house. The house I used to love, the house that I would crave after long monotonous schooldays, the house that satisfied me as a glorious resting sanctuary turned into a dark drab prison that I couldn't escape from because my injury. Not just the physical one. I will admit I couldn't drive my car because it was a stick and I couldn't move my shoulder well, but my mind stopped me from going anywhere much longer then my shoulder.
After about 4 weeks I started to help Tyler a little with the kids again, but still refrained from participating in class. I slowing worked into drilling, but my mind wasn't there. I honestly couldn't tell you where it was. I would forget the technique we were doing and just tell the new person I was with to try it first until I remembered. This went on for about a week, and I was confused as to why I still felt like I didn't know who I was. I was in the gym, I was nearly back in full action, and yet, I wasn't me. I wasn't Wes, I wasn't Otto, hell, I don't even think I was a Jensen. I believe I still feared what would happen if the shoulder was re-injured, and that Wes, Otto, Jensen, all of them would be gone again. And I think it's scary that a simple injury could change the very person I thought I was.
Finally, a familiar face appeared in my life. One I didn't know very well, but they asked me to hangout with them. And that was probably the most helpful moment of recovery for me. To think that I wasn't going to do some grappling with them, that a person wanted to hangout with ME. It made me realize that I am not wrestling, or jiu-jitsu. I was a person that can be acknowledged as just that, a person. Not a guy who just knows how to do some moves, but a person with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and character. I thank that person everyday in mind. And I thank them now.
Since then, not only have I gotten back a love for the martial arts that showed me so much love back, but I built a love for myself, and for people outside the mat. I have found ways to improve myself in a lot of different aspects of my life, and I think the most important thing to remember is that others can sometimes help you more then you can help you. I guess I never really believed that before. Seldom would people be seeing me ask for much, because I always seemed to believe that I was the most reliable person I could count on. Until my shoulder separated, along with my mind. I'm taking this event in stride, and this was the experience that lead me to become more then a mat rat. I'm Wesley Otto Jensen, and it's nice to meet you all!
I first felt fine and kept watching videos about wrestling and jits figuring I would get better through watching. Then, it hit me that I wouldn't be in the gym for over a month, and that nearly all I did was go to the gym, and all my friends were at the gym. Suddenly, I realized I was no longer myself, and perhaps without jiu-jitsu or wrestling I really didn't know how to live. I tried to just play video games, but it didn't take a whole day to realize I still was home, and still not myself. I started spending time thinking even more then I usually did, which is already too much, and would find myself sitting on the couch staring into nothing for up to 2 hours at a time.
It felt shitty, even my sister-in-law felt a little worried about me. She took me to the library just to get me out of the dam house. The house I used to love, the house that I would crave after long monotonous schooldays, the house that satisfied me as a glorious resting sanctuary turned into a dark drab prison that I couldn't escape from because my injury. Not just the physical one. I will admit I couldn't drive my car because it was a stick and I couldn't move my shoulder well, but my mind stopped me from going anywhere much longer then my shoulder.
After about 4 weeks I started to help Tyler a little with the kids again, but still refrained from participating in class. I slowing worked into drilling, but my mind wasn't there. I honestly couldn't tell you where it was. I would forget the technique we were doing and just tell the new person I was with to try it first until I remembered. This went on for about a week, and I was confused as to why I still felt like I didn't know who I was. I was in the gym, I was nearly back in full action, and yet, I wasn't me. I wasn't Wes, I wasn't Otto, hell, I don't even think I was a Jensen. I believe I still feared what would happen if the shoulder was re-injured, and that Wes, Otto, Jensen, all of them would be gone again. And I think it's scary that a simple injury could change the very person I thought I was.
Finally, a familiar face appeared in my life. One I didn't know very well, but they asked me to hangout with them. And that was probably the most helpful moment of recovery for me. To think that I wasn't going to do some grappling with them, that a person wanted to hangout with ME. It made me realize that I am not wrestling, or jiu-jitsu. I was a person that can be acknowledged as just that, a person. Not a guy who just knows how to do some moves, but a person with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and character. I thank that person everyday in mind. And I thank them now.
Since then, not only have I gotten back a love for the martial arts that showed me so much love back, but I built a love for myself, and for people outside the mat. I have found ways to improve myself in a lot of different aspects of my life, and I think the most important thing to remember is that others can sometimes help you more then you can help you. I guess I never really believed that before. Seldom would people be seeing me ask for much, because I always seemed to believe that I was the most reliable person I could count on. Until my shoulder separated, along with my mind. I'm taking this event in stride, and this was the experience that lead me to become more then a mat rat. I'm Wesley Otto Jensen, and it's nice to meet you all!
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